7 Months

I think I am getting worse by the month on keeping up with my blog. I don't really know if its because I have been coping much better without Ethan, if it's because it's summer and we just stay busy, or a combination of it all. Either way, I am still missing our sweet boy but I think I have had a few moments of coming full circle. Like getting his headstone finished finally brought that chapter to an end. 

This month on Colton's birthday we received our "Molly Bear" that weighs exactly as much as Ethan did at birth. 4lbs 13oz. It is definitely more dense than he was, but the principle of it all pulls on my heart. We put the outfit that he was supposed to wear home, but instead wore when he went home to be with our Heavenly Father on the bear. It fit the bear just right and I just held that bear and cried a bit thinking of what it would've been like to hold my baby boy just one more time. 

I have been around a few babies lately close to Ethans age and I just think of all we are missing out on without him here. It definitely sucks but I have to remind myself he wasn't meant for this world. I think about what he will look like once I get to heaven and I honestly can't even imagine. A lot of that is because I still ponder whether or not the babies we loose with still be a baby in heaven or grown to be close to Jesus age. 

Today actually on my time-hop showed this day last year was our gender reveal day. We found out our little baby E was a precious boy!! Daddy was right....again! I am so thankful for all the sweet memories we have of Ethan even the ones when he was still growing in my belly. 

-Until next time-