Well it seems the months have gotten away from me and now our Angel is almost 15 months old! WOW... 15 months. When I tell people that we had a son last year I have to stop and think because it wasn't last year, it will be 2 years before we know it.

Since I last wrote so much has happened. We had our 2nd Christmas without Ethan, I had a baby shower for our sweet Gunnar Henry. (We chose Henry to honor his late brother and Vis Abuelo)
But, biggest of all...we welcomed into this world Gunnar Henry Skaggs on January 6, 2019.
Our precious rainbow baby. The nerves and anticipation up to his birth came in waves. Always scared that something would be wrong. Being pregnant was no longer sweet and innocent. It was SCARY! Something I never felt before Ethan's birth.

We went in to be induced Saturday evening 1/5/19 and my labor started before they started pitocin. Gunnars birth did not go as planned as he was not coming down, I was not dilating much at first and I labored the longest I ever had with him, 17 hours. My epidural stopped working before my water broke and I had the opportunity to really experience labor like I never had before.
Once he arrived the cord was wrapped around his neck 3 times which was probably why he wasn't dropping low for my body to go into labor on my own like I had hoped I would. But I thank God and my AMAZING Doctor that I got induced cause the whole cord. thing worried me even with my pregnancy with Ethan.
He came out and was set straight onto my chest and I couldn't even open my eyes at first because I was so nervous. But once I did, my eyes flooded with tears. He is the most precious gift. A beautiful, wonderful and magnificent gift he is! I could not imagine a more beautiful child.
Gunnar has brought SO much joy to everyone around us. We have been told he looks like all our older kids, including his Big Brother Ethan.

The first few weeks were difficult some days because I began to realize I never got any of these moments with Ethan and I feel robbed of that time. But I always have to remember God's plan and I just remind myself of eternity.
I had to start calling Gunnar by his name because you always give your kids pet names and I found myself calling him Colton and Ethan(especially) and then having to pause to remember he is Gunnar. Sounds crazy but it just happens I guess. It is starting to get easier being a new mommy again and my grief currently isn’t nearly as bad as I thought it COULD be. We still miss Ethan and we think of him often and visit him every chance we get also.

What a sweet blessing Gunnar is to our family. I hope to keep up better with my blog and keep you all in the loop of our journey of joy after loss.

Happy Birthday Angel!

12 Months

Its still hard to believe its been that long since you made your "extreme" entrance earth side! As quickly as you came into this world you unfairly left us behind. I know God needed you more, but my earthly self is not happy with that. There was still so much left to do. We barely had any time together to get to know you. Even with the days we did get you so much of my time was spent filled with tears and agony that I couldn't enjoy you the way I should've and so desperately wanted to. How I miss your tender cry and your tiny frail body, I can still feel you laying in my arms for the very first time! Over 12 hours had went by before I could even hold you, it took 3 long hours before I even had seen your precious face. Too many hours in between of not being right by your side. How have we been able to go on in the last 12 months with out you? It's only by the grace of God and knowing that God will fulfill his promise and we will see you again in heaven! Heaven will be sweeter, it already is knowing a huge piece of my heart is already there. You already know me more than anyone else and you will be there to welcome me with open arms when the time comes for me to go home. Ethan Henry Skaggs Mommy love you so much and I still ache without you but I will never forget you and we will always make sure your life is never forgotten. You have touched so many hearts of dear family and friends, you aren't even here yet you live on here everyday.

Today we spent one of the most beautiful days of the season outside right side you celebrating your life! From your birthday cupcakes, memory candles, balloons, a few precious items of yours...to the AMAZING amount of bears that were donated to Cook Children's in your precious name! Your celebration of life was more beautiful than I could have ever imagined. We all gathered around with joy as your brother, sister and many other kids played with laughter! I could not have imagined a more beautiful way to celebrate your birthday without you here.

Even a little love from our friends in Utah!

Dropping off all the donated bears! Thank you to everyone for your contributions!