Empty

How strange it is to feel empty. I have heard people talk about it before, but never before now have I ever felt it. As I sit here in a eerily quite house I thought, "This is that empty feeling". A feeling of something should be happening or someone should be here but isn't. How can you feel so empty? Colton the other day says to me as were driving "Mom, you know what's really sad? Ethan never got to come home" Wow, the innocence of a child, but how deep his words are. It's the moments of emptiness I feel the loss of our son. Its the quiet house and empty heart that reminds me our son is gone from earth. I don't get nearly as sad as I once did, but the tears are flowing from my face now as I think of the everything we will never have with Ethan. 

I found this picture today of the kids  from 5 years ago and I thought, "This should be our kids today, except Dustin is older Destiny is now Dustins age, Colton is Destinys age and it would be Ethan in those arms."
I hate this feeling, I don't wish it upon anyone. I have a hard time not having control of things, and this of all the things in my life has been the hardest. Knowing I couldn't save my precious baby Ethan. Knowing there was nothing anyone here could do. But I know God saved him, he is saved from the evil of this world, he is saved from ever having to live a life of sadness, heartache and pain. I am grateful for all of those things, but it still doesn't take away the feeling of emptiness in my heart here today, but I just have to have hope.