Last night before bed I looked at the time and realized we were coming up on one month since the arrival of our Angel Ethan. I posted this below on our social media to share, and wanted to include it here on my blog as well.
At this time one month ago we were preparing for our precious Ethan to arrive. Little did we know we would be sitting here tonight without him in our arms. 💔#ethanhenryforever17 #trisomy18angel #happy1monthmyangelbaby.
This morning as I got ready for church this song came on. I just thought that God was talking to me and telling me to "Be Still" This week I just kept looking for answers, and praying for answers. Literally to the point of making myself a little crazy. I have to remember that he is my refuge and my strength in all of this and no matter what I understand or don't understand I need to be still and know he is God and he will take care of me no matter what. I have to let go of what was or could have been and trust in him!
Brent, the kids and I went and visited Ethan at his grave today. We got a balloon and I wrote a message from each of us on there. Destiny said a beautiful prayer thanking God for taking him and keeping him safe. We let the balloon float off "into heaven to Ethan" as we told the kids. We stuck around a little bit while Destiny and Colton wrote in the dirt a little bit.
It's been hard for me to go to his grave right now because he does not have a headstone. I didn't think it would make that big of a difference, but of course it does. We tried to find a spot to put some Christmas decorations and a tree, hopefully since we don't have a headstone they won't remove it and throw it away. If this time wasn't hard enough with him being gone, its the holiday season and it just doesn't seem right without him.
I told Brent the other day, some days feel like a normal day since we are back into a routine but something always feels missing. Of course it's then I realize its because Ethan isn't here to grow with us as we have been planning for since we first decided to add to our family. I honestly don't feel like this is something that will get easier with time, I just think I will get stronger from it all.
🎈Happy One Month Ethan Henry Skaggs🎈
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