Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal." 2 Corinthians 4:16-18.
I am starting to realize why this week has been so tough. This Sunday will be 1 month since Ethan was born. I know time passes by quickly when your child is born and you bring them home, but the time has passed even quicker with him gone. I really have been struggling with why and how everything happened, weather at conception or after. Google is sometimes your best friend and also worst enemy. I’ve been doing so much research on his conditions.
Also, this week sucked because Brent went back to work and the hospital bracelets we have been wearing, as its one of the things that connected us with him, he had to cut off because they were digging into his arm with his gloves at work. He asked me to cut them off cause he couldn't. How crazy is it to feel a little bit of heartbreak just cutting off a hospital bracelet? Were usually anxious to get those things off! I am not ready for mine to come off, and until I replace it with something in memory of him I probably won't.
My friend Melissa suggested a great way to keep Ethan's memory alive. I am working on starting a "random act of kindness" card for Baby Ethan. It's in the works and I think its something I want to carry through the entire year. (2017-2018) If Ethan was here we would be celebrating his 1 Month, 2 Month (and so on) birthday month, milestones of crawling, laughing, cooing, etc. All the things we look forward to as parents. So since we are unable to do those things with him I want to be able to celebrate him in another way with EVERYONE. Once I get it going I will let everyone know, and I really hope you all can participate with us.
Do you ever do the comparison of your kids of their baby pictures? I did it this week with Destiny, Colton and Ethan and I wanted to share it with y'all! Destiny and Colton look EXACTLY the same, lol. I wonder what Ethan would look like in 5 years? It's those little things I think about that just breaks my heart about not being able to experience.
" Remember honey that according to scripture a thousand years on this earth is but a day in heaven. So remember that later on this day according to heavens time, we will be with our loved ones in heaven. You will be raising your child Ethan so there will be no time lost between you two."
This was everything, and EXACTLY what I needed to hear to have peace! Maybe we don't know what heaven is like exactly and maybe not knowing is scary for someone like me, but knowing this will help me through each day.
One day I will hold you again Ethan, you will be healthy and strong enough to not need any of these tubes.....it will be just like this but tears of JOY! Mommy Loves You!
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