Today marks 2 months since (one of the) Best and THE Worst days of our lives. We welcomed a beautiful baby boy into the world and also were told his condition of trisomy 18 along with so many things "wrong" with him. How can one day be so exciting and terrifying as this? It is THE worst pain we have ever felt and I don't think time will ever really heal it. I so badly want to curl up most days and cry, sleep and not say a word. I know this is not what Ethan would want from me nor does God, that doesn't always stop me from feeling this way. I am trying to hold it all together but I don't feel I am doing it very well. For those who ask how I'm doing, but know if I say I am OK or Good, Im not. That's just the honest truth. I miss our boy and I want him here. I want to be sitting with him now and watching him reach new milestones this month like trying to smile, finally recognizing things in his surroundings, finally holding your head more steading and sucking on your fingers. I want to be watching him grow and see your big brother play peek-a-boo with you and your big sister constantly ask "Can I hold him now?" Ethan Daddy, sissy and your big brothers miss you SO SO much!
Today the family and I went and did our balloon release for his 2 month birthday. The kids both wrote sweet notes to him to attach to the balloons and then we wrote notes on the balloons. I made a new arrangement for his temp headstone and added a few sweet touches. Doesn’t seem like enough but it’ll do for now. Happy 2 months our sweet beautiful baby boy.We miss you our sweet Angel Baby!
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