Escaping reality

We are in Chicago on a trip just Brent, the kids and I to try and escape from all we have been dealing with the last 17 days. I can’t believe today marks two weeks since Ethan left his earthly body to be with our Jesus. Most of each day since the funeral feels like a normal day, until I see a stroller, or a pregnant woman. It’s then that I remember just 17 short days ago I was going into labor not thinking anything other than we will be bringing home a baby a lot sooner than planned. I don’t cry as much as I did just a few days ago, but I do have many sad moments when I remember we had Ethan in our arms days ago.  Last night as I laid in bed with Colton as he slept I did find myself crying looking at him wondering what it would’ve been like to watch Ethan grow up and get to stroke his head like I was Colton’s in that moment. I began to cry feeling sad on everything I am going to miss out on with Ethan. It makes me wonder. Will I get to raise Ethan in heaven? Will he be my same baby boy just without pain and perfectly healthy? I wish I knew the answers of these things and that I knew EXACTLY what heaven holds for me. Mommy misses you my angel Ethan! 👼🏻